Things you have to do in Turkey

If you come to Turkey, and don’t do these, it will be a waste of a trip.

1. Get stuck in an elevator. And no, not a fancy one like in the movies or Colorado, but a 2-person, swinging door one. Try to get stuck for at least half an hour. Yell “imdat” if you feel distressed; however, someone will notice eventually, and there are tons of cracks so you’ll get some air.

2. Yell at a male for staring at you. YES I AM A FOREIGNER (yabanci, the c makes a ‘j’ sound) AND YES I AM NOT SPEAKING TURKISH. They will not look away if you catch them.

3. Ride a dolmus. They are the fiercest drivers in the world. Just be prepared to fall onto an old lady’s lap.

4. Break up a dog fight.

5. Break up a cat fight.

6. Get sick (or ILL… some will hear sick, and think ‘mentally unstable’), so every Turk and their mother (literally) can diagnose you and explain why this curse has befallen upon you. (You don’t wear socks to bed?? You sat on a cold seat? YOU RODE BACKWARDS ON THE TRAIN?!”)

7. Use a squatter toilet. The pop up everywhere, and most don’t provide toilet paper. Just a bucket of water. So always have a pack of tissues when you go out. (Although, I was teaching in a different building the other day, ran out to use the restroom, and there were only squatters. This is a brand new university. Unprepared, I just held it.)

8. Almost get hit by a car when walking across a parking lot. Actually, not even across; just walking along. It’s really fun and gets the adrenaline going.

9. Speaking of adrenaline, if you rent a car, stay at a stoplight two seconds after it turns green.

10. Find a Turkish student who is learning / studying English and have a short conversation. It will definitely brighten your day.

11. Dive on the wrong side of the road. Reverse on the highway for 200 meters, just to see what will happen (I’ll tell you; nothing. No one will care, but if you don’t go AS SOON AS that light turns green, all hell breaks loose.)

12. Try Turkish cuisine. It consists of meat, rice, and eggplant (oh, and corn for good luck). Cooked a million different ways.

13. Take a nice, leisurely stroll in the city center around election time to see the blooming flags. FLAGS FLAGS EVERYWHERE.

This was a satirical post. I love Turkey, but it definitely has its oddities.